Sleep is my favorite past time right now.  How exciting.  That and complaining about how huge I feel right now.  I just can’t decide whether to believe those wonderful people who tell me I look great.  I feel HUGE.  And achy.  And huge.

And now I get to figure out what I want for lunch.  I tell you the decisions I have to make in life?  Complex.

I think this is one of my major problems.  I am bored.  I don’t do boredom well.  I am the full meaning of idle hands are the devils playground.  But this time I am being good… and I have found out that this is really not that fun.  Ok it is no fun at all.  It’s safe and the smart thing to do, but smart and safe?  There is no fun in that.  Sigh.

I know.  I am a whiner.  But I am pregnant with a smart and safe life.  It seems logical I would whine.

Honestly, every time I come back, I  have the best intentions of coming back again on a more regular basis.  But then for some reason I don’t.

I’m such a fickle girl.  Mayhaps it is the mojo getting sucked from me, by being somewhere that is totally uninspiring.

Since the last time I updated, the serial career-ist struck again.  In July I switched jobs for the spillionth time.  To a whole new field at that.  It’s kept me mentally occupied.  Hindsight is a horrid thing to ever have come into existence.  I’m making it work, but I so miss the peeps I worked with before – A LOT.  Although, they also moved on to other jobs too, so if I stayed it would have been different anyhow.

Also?  At the same time I started the new job, I found out I was pregnant.  Again.  It was a shock that took a lot of time to wear off – it’s been over nine years since my last wee one.  Now though, at 21 weeks, I am excited to see this new little person.  I have a great husband who makes life easier, and has floated the excitement for the both of us until I could get there.  I would be lost without him, I am sure!!  Especially since my bestest friends are scattered around the world.

After this I hope that my Universe and unexpected surprises settle down.  It would be a nice change.  :)

I love my compressed Fridays off.  They are my sanity savers. However, I nearly had to forgo my day off — things were out of control for a bit, but I reigned them in (worked late to do it, but it was worth it). Yay me. There was no. way. at. all. that I was going to give up today. Now where is my damn gold star!!

I haven’t had time to really do anything this week. So today is MY day. And it’s raining out. I like the rain.. although it too, is similiar to the ‘dream’… makes my mind wander down paths best forgotten.

And now to make myself presentable and get my arse outta the house (if work can’t find me, they can’t bug me .

If I knew what I really wanted to do (aside from not work for monkeys) I am sure life would be so much easier. But alas?  No such luck. So until then, I shall swing from branch to branch until I find my cozy spot.

Drama one of this new change?  New girl hired on Monday, to do my old job, quit today — and to think I thought I was a serial career-ist!  Really my previous job (that is now mine again on top of this new job) is not rocket science.  Hectic? Yes. Perhaps a little stressful at times? Yes. But stressful enough to run screaming mid-day on day two?  No.

My old boss is rather happy about this, as he was reluctant to let me move on; he was happy with me doing what I was doing, but I am not happy at all. It took me over a month to find this new girl to replace me, and now I am back at square one. Ugh.

I will admit, I have this dream every few months or so, but I have no idea where it comes from or what triggers it.

It’s not a bad dream.  But it’s a dream that does not make sense – or well why I am having it does not make sense. And this dream always kick-starts off a cycle.  Not that it is a tumultuous cycle, it’s actually quite nice, but none-the-less it brings me back to 4 (maybe 5) years ago and an errant email.

The cycle always plays itself out in about a week, but then sure enough the dream occurs again within a month or two, and regardless of how much I tell myself that this time, the dream will not effect me, it does.  I end up thinking about the dream during a meeting, or on the way into work, and then it just goes down hill from there.

One good thing that does come of it though, is that it helps me write – gives me some weird inspiration.  Who knows… sigh.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

I am a very indecisive and unpredictable girl.  One day I am in love with idea ‘A’, then the next day I wonder what even attracted me to idea ‘A’…

However, that is not to say that there aren’t any constants in my life.   There are, I just need to compliment those constants with chaos, or for some reason I just can’t feel at ease – but in the end?  8 times out of 10 I regret the chaos.

Weird.  I know.  My chaos right now?  So out of the blue, my first ‘serious’ boyfriend contacted me.  At first I was like meh.  Whatever.  But he kept contacting me, so I gave in and responded.  At first I will admit it was flattering that after all these years he still held some kind of pedestal idea of me, however it quickly became really creepy. 

Most people would have taken that as the cue to shut it down.  But me?  Never.  I felt like I had to somehow undo me ever speaking to him.  Now?  Good grief.  What a stupid stupid idea.

I want him to go away again.  I don’t want to deal with him.  Cruel, I know.  But I was always very straight that it was nice he still thought of me, but that the past is the past and will stay there (now why did I just not realize that when he first emailed me?).  Did that stop the weird emails and texts?  No.  If anything it seemed to have made him more aggressive in wanting to talk to me.

So for now, I will pretend I dropped off the face of the earth and lay low.  I wish I could say this was the last time I would bring on the chaos… but I am not THAT naive.

Now I am not saying that all the gorillas or apes in my jungle are morons — there are a select few that I believe deserve to be where they are  – however there seems to be a large number of gorillas who should never have the passed baboon stage.

I am near total and absolute exasperation.  What is it going to take!?!  Good freaking grief.

The reason I like to stay rather anonymous is not because I lead this crazy double-life or anything. Gee wouldn’t that be fun? It is more that I like to have a place to go to that is just mine. Where I can say what I want and do what I want without having to rationalize it to someone. Or if I am having a crappy day, that I don’t have to reassure someone else, other than me, that everything is alright. THAT I hate.  I want my own little playground. So here we go again…